You Can't Go Home Again

There's a book titled You Can't Go Home Again. I can't say I've ever read the book by Thomas Wolfe, but the idea has been something that has flowed in and out of my mind like a revolving door ever since the year my parents died. I was thirty, with my fourth baby and in my grief, I wanting nothing more you return to my bedroom with emerald green carpet and the pink and blue buttons that lit up my phone. The buttons on the handset where your palm should be which meant whenever I leaned it on my shoulder the speaker screamed at me and whoever I was talking to. It was a terrible design, but a birthday present from my father so I kept it.

I am the youngest of my siblings and because of a four year age gap between my sister and I, I was privy to the extra attention and loose reigns that came with being the baby. How I long for the freedom I once had! Visiting my mother's home today (built by my father) was a strong reminder that you can't go home again. I've always hated change. We moved when I was eight and I would cry (for years) if we can even close to the route to our old home. I cried over trees being cut down. I cried when my brother moved out. I've been sad to see the creek change. I've always related deeply to Joe March in Little Women for her hatred of change.

I think the concept you can't go home again is rooted to the fact that we grow and move on and especially when it comes to our youth and childhood, our lives will never be as they once were when we were home with our parents. I've realized my great fondness for Star Trek the Next Generation is not because of the show itself (which is good) but because I have memories of my family sitting and the dinner table and watching it together. I also will forever love Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune because that was when my whole family was together (pre-divorce). It didn't matter what we were doing in particular, but it did matter that we were doing it together.

So let us begin a new year, strong and patient with what lies ahead. Let's build family traditions that tie us together beyond our physical homes and connect us in ways that can positively impact generations. We may not be able to go home again, because our lives are always changing but we can have home in our hearts. Home is where the heart is.

(Day 1 of my goal to write every day. #2018)